"Work email"

Most days I get emailed at my work email address concerning things about work, like what time a meeting is or here is new information about an item, and even sometimes I correspond with customers through my work email. However, from time to time I get some crazy emails like this sent to me, Captioned, "Why fat people shouldn't bungee jump."

Or like this one, Captioned, "Say no to crack."

Now I like funny emails and everything but I always wondered what would happen if corporate checked the emails that were sent out through the company. Hmm, I think many people would be in trouble including yours truly. The last picture I will show you is pretty funny and one I am sure Mr. Trump would like

Anyway, work email is very interesting and when I get crazy emails sometimes I feel like I am on the show, "the office" so keep sending them and I Dwight K. Schrute will keep forwarding them on to HR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Monopoly"

This past weekend I pulled out the timeless classic, monopoly for my wife and I to play together. It had been awhile since I had played monopoly so I was looking forward to showing my wife who was the financial guru and the real estate mongol of the family. I was prepared to dominate like no other. I was going to show her that I was the king of monopoly. I was going to razzle and dazzle her and win the game within the hour. That was my plan.

The house rules we play with are that you have to go around the board once before buying any property and if you hit the free parking spot you get $500. Now, that we have that established let me give you play by play of our game.

I went first and had two consecutive doubles which put me way out in front. Her first roll was nothing spectacular and things were looking up for me. After my third turn I got around the board and I bought Baltic. She went on her turn and landed on free parking. (go figure)

After she had gotten around the board I already owned two orange properties, St. James place and Tennessee Ave. Yes things were looking very good for the master of monopoly.

She came around the board again on her next turn and landed on free parking again. What luck I thought, but nothing was going to stop me from destroying her. I bought up three rail roads on my next couple of turns, and I landed on Mediterranean which gave me my first monopoly of the game. I also ended up owning all three green pieces of real estate which were Pacific avenue and such, but after buying so much property I started to struggle financially. While I struggled to find the money to put up hotels on my Baltic and Mediterranean properties where the houses only costs $50 each, she started to land on property and buy it up. Also at least every other time she went around the board she landed on free parking. She eventually landed and bought up all the red properties which were Illinois Ave. Kentucky, and Indiana. These properties are good solid properties that bring in some money if you have hotels on them. After she bought the last red property she needed she quickly put up three hotels before I could even blink.

I thought okay I just need to avoid like a plague the red properties and I will be able to make it. My first turn after her hotels went up was a roll of 6 which put me on Illinois Ave. I had to get rid of my measly hotels I had on Baltic and Mediterranean and mortgage almost all my property to pay her the $1050 that was required of me. Since I rolled a 6 which was two threes I rolled again and ended up in jail. I rolled three times and got nowhere so I paid to get out and rolled, I landed on a railroad that I owned so I was okay for the time being. My wife rolled and landed on a property that I had mortgaged so nothing befell her, but even if she did have to pay she was loaded from landing on freaking free parking the whole game. My next turn ended with a bang, I landed on freaking Illinois Ave. again and before I could blink it was over. The game ended in about 40 minutes and I the Warrior and Jedi of monopoly got spanked like a little school girl.

I who was the master teacher became the pupil, I who was the guru of monopoly gurus, was sent home wondering what just happened? I who was the King of monopoly had lost my crown.

I hate losing, but I hate even more losing to my wife because I have to eat all the trash talk that I had spued throughout the game!! Next weekend I will attempt to win my crown back, but I must tell you after getting beat in such a fashion I am apprehensive about losing the little ounce of dignity I have left! Well, at least I can still beat her in a eating contest!!!!!!

"The Christmas Gift."

Growing up and looking back on every Christmas I had as a kid I cannot think of one bad Christmas. I cannot do so, because my parents always made Christmas special. Even when they had little money somehow, some way my brothers and I always had a great Christmas. In return, for a great Christmas that my parents always gave us, my dad usually received a cheap tie and maybe a smoked sausage, and my mom always got some cheap perfume or something equivalent to the cost of a cheap perfume. Obviously, it did not matter to them what they were given, but what did matter was what they were able to do for us. I never understood that concept growing up because I was always excited to open my presents not really caring what anyone else had received, or let alone be excited about them opening their gift.

My parents have done so much for me in my life, in June of 2006 I was married and my parents paid for most of the wedding, shelling out close to $4,000. I have always wanted to do something big for them but really never had the money to do so. Last year around the end of November I was talking to my wife about how wonderful my parents were to help us pay for our wedding and I told her how I wanted to do something nice for them for Christmas.

The next day as I was trying to think of the perfect gift to get them, it dawned on me that I should buy them a brand new bed because the one they had was one that they had pretty much my whole life. Now, you have to understand my parents had never had a new bed before, they married at a young age and have always just had this water bed. The water bed that they had always leaked, and it got to the point that my dad told me after he got his new bed that sleeping on his water bed felt like sleeping on a board.

Over the early weeks of December I researched mattresses and found the one I wanted to get them. It was a plush pillow top mattress that costs us around $1600. We went to the store and made all the necessary arrangements and I took out my digital camera and took several pictures of this new very expensive purchase. A few weeks before Christmas we went over there with the pictures we had taken of the bed in an envelope with their Christmas card. We gave them the envelope asking them to open it, they did so and were pretty shocked at the pictures they saw. My mom started crying and even my dad was a little choked up. Giving them that gift was well worth the expressions on their face. With every Christmas that I have had and all the very expensive and nice things that I have received from them through the years, last year's Christmas was by far the greatest Christmas that I have ever had.

"The self evaluation."

Ahhh, its that time of year, the time when my company like most companies ask for its employees to evaluate themselves. I love self evalutaion it helps me to know where I feel I stand in comparison to my company, and where my company stands in comparison to me.

Alright let's cut the crap. Self evaluation sucks. Oh don't get me wrong I love knowing how my boss feels about the work that I do, but I hate evaluating myself. On our self appraisal sheet we have several different categories we have to rate ouselves in, and then explain why we rated ourself like we did. The first evaluation sheet I received from my boss I filled out completely with pretty sarcastical but true statements, he gave it back to me and asked me to do it again. Which I did, but then I spelled a word wrong so I had to have him give me another. The third one I filled out was coming along nicely until I spilled pop all over it and I had to get a new one. You can obviously see how many problems I have had with evaluating myself!

Now, I have already filled out my self evaluation sheet, and turned in it, but I asked my boss for another so I may go through one with my readers and let you know what I am thinking as I fill out one of these dastardly self evalution sheets.

After my name (which I can spell correctly) comes the self rating that I must do in the area of my quality of work. Hmm, Quality of work if I say my quality of work is at its highest(being a 5)

then I would sound pompous, but then on the other end of the spectrum if I say its a 1, then my boss will be wondering why he has such a bad employee or he will think that I think I am a 5 but he'll think I just don't want to act pompous even though he thinks I am, so with this question I go with a 4 because I think my quality of work is a 4 (very good). See how difficult this is?

Next comes the area of my quantity of work. Hmm Quantity., here is another example that I could say where I am a 4 (very good) but I need to try to save my 4's for the real important areas like leadership or dependability, so I am thinking I should go with 3(good) but do I want my boss just to think I am good in the area of my quantity of work? Hmm, I really think I am a 5(Outstanding) in this area but then again I don't want to be pompous and I need to save my 4s so I think here I will go with a three.

Next comes the area of my job knowledge. Now I really think I know a lot about my job, but I don't want to put a 5 and have my boss think that I think I am a know it all, but then again I don't want my boss thinking I should be working somewhere, where I ask if they want fries with that either, so this one I will put a three(good).

Next comes the area of organization. Now if you know me I have my own organizational system that keeps me very organized on the inside but on the outside others see me as somewhat disorganized. This is an area I need improvement on , but one area I will struggle to improve in. I have had this problem since third grade when I would find old penut butter and jelly sandwhiches in my desk at the end of the school year that had been in there for several months.

Now I do believe in this area I will give myself a 2(Improvement needed) I definitely need to find some organizational skills. Now, where did I put that pen?

There are many areas covered on this form but I don't have the time to go through them all, because I have to improve on my "quantity of work" so I will leave you with one more area.

The last area I will focus on will be the area of Personal development. Have I developed over the past year? Have I grown in any areas other than in my glutes and stomach? Now, I know I have grown im my personal development but again I don't want to put another 5(Outstanding) down and have my boss think that I think that I have arrived. But I do need another 5(Outstanding) to be in the final tally of (good) so after pondering this question I decide to risk having my boss think that I think that I have arrived so I put 5(Outstanding) down. Whew, I am finished! I have hopefully passed another self evalutaion test! If I failed, well, I only have one question for you. Do you want fries with that shake?

In summary self evaluations are good but I don't think I have ever given a true complete self examination of myself. Hmm that didn't sound so good, but you know what I meant!!!

"Things that make me blast my horn."

Hi, my name is Jason and I have road rage.

Yes that is correct there are some things that really tick me off when I am driving, and I am going to name them for you right now.

1) When someone pulls out in front of you and then drives 10 mph slower than the speed limit. ( Now,this really irritates me but it is not the thing that sets me off the most.)

2) When someone honks at me to turn right on red when there is a sign that says no turn on red.

( If you do this to me, I guarantee I am going to get out of my car and beat the crap out of you. Yes, that includes you grandma!!

3) When I am on a back road and I cannot pass you but you go 20 mph.

( You will definitely here my horn if you choose to be the moron that does this.)

4) You decide to run the red light just as I am going through the intersection.

(Now this really gets to me, you want to kill yourself fine, but do not take me with you.)

5) When you decide to go on the shoulder to get past me while I am sitting on the expressway in a traffic jam.

( You are not more important than anyone else, you selfish bastard.)

6) You make a turn without using your turn signal.

( Turn signals were designed to be used to alert other drivers to slow down so they don't hit you in the butt when you are turning.

7) When I am courteous and let you in and you don't wave or signal a thank you.

( This irritates me a lot. If I let you in, a wave is owed to me you unthankful jackass.) Just for the record I wave twice, once when they let me in and once when I am all the way in.

8) If you think I made a mistake and honk your horn at me and I feel that your horn honk is unwarranted I will chase you down and scare the crap out of you like I did to an old man a couple of weeks ago!

And the number one thing that irritates me the most is,

When you are coming out of a place of business and trying to get onto the road do not, I repeat do not stick the fat nose of your ugly piece of crap car right out in the middle of the road, because if you do and I see that, I will act like I am going to hit you and honk my horn as I drive by you, you piece of arrogant crap. The people that do this need to be beaten and have their licenses revoked!!!

Now, that we have established the fact that I have road rage I ask you to pray for me as it is a real problem for me.

Do you have road rage? Is there something that really ticks you off when you are driving? Please post your comments and let me know what makes you angry!

"Home"

I have always loved home. My parents always made home a warm safe haven from the world. I loved coming home from a hard basketball practice and just relaxing in my room or playing a video game with my dad. I love home. Now home can be anything from a tiny one bedroom apartment to a three bedroom ranch to a 8 bedroom mansion. It doesn't matter how big your home is, as long as you make it home to you. My parents certainly made a home for my brothers and I, it was the best place to be at any given moment.

When I got married home to me for about the first sixth months was my parent's house. I loved going over there anytime I could because to me that was still home. After about sixth months I was driving home from work on a cold night and when I opened the door to my apartment the warm air hit me and I realized I was home. For the rest of the time that we lived in our one bedroom apartment when I was there I was home. It was a small apartment but it was my home.

About 5 months ago we bought a two bedroom home and it took me about three weeks to get me to realize this was my home. Last night we went to the store to get some
pop and some pies for thanksgiving, it was very cold and rainy and there were people everywhere when we finally got home I just breathed that sigh of relief that I am home.

Home can be such a wonderful place but you have to make it that way. When I have kids I want them to have the same feelings about home that I had growing up. I want them to look forward to coming home, I want home to be a warm happy place. Now I believe in having nice things like furniture and nice carpet, but I am also a very staunch supporter of living in your home. Furniture was meant to be sat on, a spill of fluid on the floor shouldn't make you cry, and not eating at the table all the time is not a sin. Home should be a warm and inviting place to you and your family. My parent's son doesn't live at their home anymore I have moved but I still have warm memories of my parent's home. I would not have those memories if my home was a stiff uninviting place where I couldn't move unless I was told I could.

I love home. I am not a parent yet but I am someone who is coming out of their younger years and I can tell you that it will make all the world to you and your family if you make your house a wonderful, warm, and inviting home to you and yours.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

"In sickness as in health."

"In sickness as in health..." I repeated after the preacher on a very beautiful June day in 2006. You see it was my wedding day, a day that I had been anticipating for a long time. I had dated my sweetheart for five years and now I was standing on the platform with her, holding her hand, and reciting the vows that everyone recites at our church. I was nervous like everyone but I was excited, because I knew that day was the start of me waking up every morning next to my bride. I proudly said my vows and she said hers and we were married. What a momentous occasion for her and I, its something obviously that I will never forget.

I have loved every minute of my marriage, just being with her on the weekends and spending as much time as I can with her has been the highlight of my life. For about 13 months of our marriage everything seemed to be going great, we lived in a one bedroom apartment for about a year and saved up for a down payment on a home. We moved into our home this past June and everything went pretty smoothly.

In July of this year, my wife called me from work and said she wasn't feeling well and that she was going home. I didn't think much about it at the time except that maybe she had gotten the flu. A week went by and she wasn't getting any better so I took her to the emergency room, they gave her an i.v. and sent her on her way. The following Monday we went and saw a doctor who said you might have some type of virus but that is all and so he sent us on our way. Three weeks went by and she was not getting any better so I took her to another doctor who gave her some wrong diagnosis about yeast in her blood stream. After trying to treat that for awhile and getting no results, I decided to take her up to Northwestern University Hospitals to see a doctor. That doctor ran many tests and the tests came back stating that she had mono. So we started treating that with vitamins and lots of sleep. After a few weeks of trying to treat the mono she still was not feeling very great, she is getting her strength back but she is still feeling so very lousy.

Last week I took her back to Northwestern Hospital and this time they admitted her. They ran a battery of tests on her and found that she has a hiatial hernia which is where your esophagus doesn't close all the way and they also found that she has a bicuspid aortic valve, which means she was born with a defective aortic valve. We go to see a cardiologist on the 5Th of December to see if open heart surgery is necessary or if it is something she just needs to get checked every year.

I say all that to say this, when I said my vows on the platform I meant them. When I think about that phrase,"In sickness as in health" I always thought that phrase is something I am saying now, but won't have to experience until we are both in our seventies, surely we won't have to deal with the sickness part in our twenties. Little did I know. Little did I know that she would be so sick sometimes, that I would wake up and she would be hovered over me crying, little did I know that I would have to see many doctors before finding out what is wrong with her, little did I know that I would have to leave work early and go home to comfort her when she was feeling so bad, and tell her everything was going to be okay when I didn't know that for sure. Little did I know that I would have to call off work to take her to Chicago to see her doctor. Little did I know that I would have to come home and wash the dishes, do the laundry, and cook the meals. A year and a half ago I had no idea what that phrase "In sickness as in health." meant. I know what it means now, and after knowing what it truly means I am honored to have been able to vow the vows that I did to my wife on our wedding day.

So often people get married and when they find out what the true meaning of their vows are they want to back out of them. So often people get hit with a burden that shakes their marriage and they want to bail out. They say, "I didn't sign up for this!" Sign up for it? You did more than that, you pledged your life to that woman! You pledged your life to take care of her and provide for her, and not when its just convenient for you! The best time to prove your vows are when she sick! The best time to prove your vows is when you have a financial burden! The best time to prove your vows is when you have a difficulty, burden, or a heartache! Its easy to be a good husband when you come home from work and there is a 5 course meal sitting on the table waiting for you. Its easy to be a good husband when everything is going great and everything is hot in the bedroom. Its easy to keep your vows then. Prove your vows during the easy times is fine, but prove them when times get rough, prove your vows when you feel like you barely have the strength or energy to stand.

I will close with this, marriage is a picture of salvation. Christ is the husband and as Christians we are His bride. Christ didn't abandon us when He was suffering on the cross, Christ didn't leave us when times got tough, Christ loves us, and takes care of us, and we are His bride once we accept Christ as our Saviour, and when we accept our bride we should be as Christ, never wavering in our vows, never faltering in our vows, always faithful, always true to the one we pledged our life to.